Internal Struggles at Mass

I am a firm believer in parents teaching their children about the Mass. This includes taking their children to Mass with them as a family, teaching them how to behave (and removing them if necessary), and trying to explain what is happening on the altar as Mass progresses.

That being said, today my will screamed against it. I didn't mind taking Reeda to the vestibule. I didn't mind walking around carrying her for most of the service. I didn't mind that by the time she was content there weren't any seats left. I found a large stack of bricks which were an extension of the wall and sat down on them. Here is what I did mind: before I knew what happened Reeda had pulled the fire alarm. I tried to turn it off, but no luck. I was mortified. The vestibule was packed with people and they were all staring at me.

As the alarm continued to go off and the usher couldn't find the key to silence it, I struggled not to cry. All of a sudden, I was overcome with the desire to go to Mass all by myself. I wanted to concentrate on it without a child's interruption. I wanted to be able to open my prayerbook and read a communion prayer in peace. But my intellect was able to triumph over my will. I knew that I was doing exactly what I ought to be: training, teaching and exposing my children to the most beautiful prayer on earth.